I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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