I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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