it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
