oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
