she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
