I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
