You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he thought i was a dude.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
