If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
