Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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