He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
