You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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