I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize