Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
