2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
