You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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