I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
