Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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