I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
