if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
