The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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