everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
