you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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