My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
