I got chris browned last night
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
