I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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