Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
