pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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