I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
4 words: hood of his car
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
