I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
