if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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