thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
