here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
