my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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