so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
