At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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