Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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