Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
