I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
