when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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