i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
