my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize