I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
