i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
