Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
