and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
