it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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