Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
