If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
