loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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