and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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