I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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