The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
