Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
