M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
