i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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