I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Gay?
German.
Pity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
