guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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