Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
