It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
