Moan for me like Helen Keller
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who died my cat blue again?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
