I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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