Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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