accomplished twins. life is a go
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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