so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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