Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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