well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
