I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
