Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
